I am truly amazed at how many people want to spend their valuable time telling me who and what I am. I am a trans woman and I have had deal with all kinds of naysayers and doubters out there for a very long time. Whether they be a former spouse, former friends, former work mates, feminists who feel that their womanhood is threatened or even Bible-thumpers who want to tell me how much of an abomination that I am. People can say what they want to say. They can shove biological reasoning at me all day long but that does not change me one bit. I am not crazy and I full well understand what I have been through. The cool thing about it is that you don’t have to live my life, I get to. My own innate awareness of my gender and sex is very well understood by me, gosh, how evident that truly is.
Many of you will never understand what happens to people like me who want to shed everything in order to be free to be ourselves. You don’t understand, I get it, I am sure that there are many of things that I do not understand about you either. You say, “but biology Lynna tells you that you are male. You cant run from it Honey, the best that you can do is to just accept it.”
Let me say this, I do most definitely recognize my past and that is most assuredly an indelible part of my past. That is all it is though, my past. I have a beautiful present that looks nothing like my past. That is like telling a butterfly that it must deal with the fact that it used to be a caterpillar. After all, Mr. Caterpillar, you were born ACAB (assigned caterpillar at birth). Don’t run from it Mr. C because no matter what you might want, you are what you are. Look at you, you slug along on the ground and you have no ability to fly, so just get used to it.
There’s one problem with that though, there is a little thing that is going to happen to that earthbound caterpillar that is going to forever change it’s life. You all know what I am talking about, something unique happen to this particular creature and it changes everything for that young caterpillar. Instinctually that fat little slug finds it’s way onto a tree and begins to start something truly magical. It starts to enclose itself into a cocoon and closes itself from the outside world. For a time it stays dormant while wrapped up inside as it begins the process and transitions in this solitary place.
It would be sad if this were to be the end of the story but it does not end there, rather it is just beginning. Here is where it gets really interesting…Out of the blue one day, the motionless and still funny-looking orb dangling from that tree starts to move. Something is happening and it is one of the most beautiful miracles of nature to witness. This little caterpillar is ready to rejoin the world and do it’s thing. Just a sec though, is that Mr. Caterpillar?
What comes out of that cocoon bares no resemblance to that fuzzy and fat little bug. You take one glimpse at what is emerging out of this temporary home and it is colorful and radiant and beautiful. “But how can it be”, you ask, “that can’t be”? The thing is that there is nothing that anyone can say to take away the identity of this most gorgeous and winged creature.
An amazing and incredibly delicate and unique butterfly takes her first steps out of the cocoon and in one moment it flies off into a beautiful new world. No one can tell her who she is because although she recognizes what she once was, she recognizes that she is that no more. The caterpillar has been shed, left behind and an amazing butterfly has taken it’s place. The butterfly looks back at it’s shell and no one can tell her for one second what she is. Biology be damned, she knows her past but her future is just as real and as she flies off, she leaves all of her naysayers behind. This is the same exact thing that happens to trans women and trans men. Sometimes there are things in life that you can’t explain because our human experience is undefinable and uncontainable. Please don’t limit yourself, look at the life of a butterfly and be amazed…