Hi everyone, I have so much to share about what has happened since I last wrote my thoughts for all of you to read here. OMG, lots has happened since then and I have so many stories and experiences to share with you all about that but I am going to have to hold off on that for now. Why, you ask? Well, simply because I had a dream last night.
You all know how that goes when you have a dream that is crystal clear and so life-like that you wonder if it just happened when you leave it? Last night was one of those times and this particular dream impacted me in a powerful way. First off, I have to tell you that lately I have been dreaming like Joseph from the Old Testament bible story. He was labeled a dreamer by his 10 other brothers because he was always telling them about, yeah, that’s right, you guessed it, his dreams.
So many of my dreams have been quite lucid lately. I have been able to pull myself out of them whenever I chose to. For instance, the other day I dreamed about Maritza and I traveling down a rural highway with a couple of other friends in the back seat. A tempestuous storm was surrounding us and I was worried that a tornado may be wrapped inside the rain. My worst fears were realized when, after our car was being blown around by the winds, an actual tornado lifted our little car off of the ground and we started spinning out of control. I recall the sense of fear that came over me that were eerily similar to the time that I rolled off of the mountain in my SUV in New Mexico. I again found myself bracing for impact. Where would we land? What would we hit? Then it happened, right when we would have landed I told myself that this was just a dream and that I did not need to be there. I woke up at that moment and left that dangerous predicament back in my dreams.
Last night was a little bit different however, I knew that I could wake up and leave this dream but I chose not to. Let me tell you about it… I walked into a well organized event that was being held in my honor and everyone that I ever knew was there. My mom and sis were there along with my brother in law and my adult nephews and my niece. People who I had met all along the various twists and turns in my life path were all there. Whether they were in support of my transition or not did not really matter, they were there anyway.
My Bible college friends, my colleagues from my tv career, acquaintances who I had met and oh yes, my mom. I have not seen my now 83 year old mother since the summer of 2013. Her heart has been broken into pieces over my transition and she has not even wanted to talk to me much at all. Yet there she was and it was a happy reunion when we hugged and kissed. She even said that I looked pretty and I was besides myself with joy. There were so many people that I could not possibly get to all of them that evening. I remember seeing three guys that I had worked with producing lots of events for the past 20+ years sitting on a bench quietly. I wondered why they had chosen to come since they had refused to speak with me since I announced my transition over Facebook in February 2014? Yet there they were too, honoring me and allowing me to speak to them if I so chose to. I meant to but there were so many others to get to and by the time I got back to speak with them, they had left.
Then there was this young mother who approached me and I thought that she was going to say something derogatory to me but instead she spoke to me kindly. She told me that she wanted to let me know that she, for whatever reason, had tremendous compassion for me and the choices that I had to make in my life because of my desire to live my life the way that I was intended too. She said that this was highly unusual for her to be so compassionate because she, as a mother of a young child, really empathized with me regardless of the fact of what had happened with regards to my very own children. I was absolutely blown away however when my very own former wife came up to Mark and I and told us how happy that she was that I was able to find someone who could get me and love me for me. She was grateful to Mark for bringing that kind of peace into my life and she seemed to be completely at peace with herself in that. She then said that this was a good start. We embraced warmly and then said our goodbyes.
This experience did not last long enough. So many smiles, so many people to speak with, so many hugs to give and it was all over almost as soon as it began. I woke up when everyone had left and I was all alone in this building that was obviously rented for this occasion. What to think about such a dream that leaves me with such warm feelings? What do I say about my reunion with my precious mom who used to dote all over me? I honestly don’t know what to say but what I do know is that I love all of those people very much and I hope that someday they can love me for me because as they say, dreams can come true…