Changing For All The Wrong Reasons – Part II

…So there I was post surgery and as happy as could be because I was finally on my way to becoming a woman.  My throat was very sore from undergoing three plus hours of surgery but I thought that it was worth the pain.  I was still confused though, how would I be able to reconnect with my children?  What would that look like?  I had made the decision to explore my options and see what would happen.  My lawyer had told me that the kids did indeed want to see me and I was making plans to make that possible.  Then the other shoe fell, my ex was absolutely opposed to it and told me that I could not see them.  Talk about being distraught.  I had already made arrangements to work down in Nashville and Memphis, I had not decided on where I was going to live and life was really up in the air.  I was completely wrecked when I heard that I was again going to have my kids turned against me.  So when I had the opportunity to explore a relationship with a transman, I jumped at the chance.  Maybe I just needed a totally new life, the life that I had had done it’s best to reject me.

Then the ACCIDENT happened and everything changed in 30 seconds.  I will not go into detail about that because I have already written extensively about it but there I was alone in a hospital bed, a broken man.  All I can remember was that no one offered any support whatsoever.  I was dying and in critical condition and not even my then wife said anything, my kids were silent, no one was there for me.  I was alone and trying to just survive the pain that I was in.  My ex very easily could have chosen to fly out to be by my side to claim me back to her and to help me heal but she decided not to.  She counseled me to undergo the 7 hour life-changing neck and back surgery.  The doctor knows best was all that she had to say.  During that whole ordeal, not one person reached out to me.  No flowers appeared in my room, no get-well-soon cards, nothing.

Then there was Maritza…I remember telling the emergency workers to please call Mark and to tell him that I was alive.  I mean, out of all the people who I could have asked for the guys and gals that rescued me to reach out to, I did not bother to give them my ex’s number or my own mother’s, nope, it was Maritza’s.  Maritza did not get the message but soon noticed that my phone was again flashing a signal, so she called me.  It was New Year’s Eve 2014 and my phone started to ring in my hospital room.  A nurse kindly answered and put the phone up to my ear.  It was Mark and he was so relieved to hear my voice.  I told him all about my accident and the fact that I was laid up in a hospital in El Paso, Texas.  He told me that he was going to get out to see me as soon as he could. Maritza had no idea how she was going to get there because she didn’t even own a car but I knew that she was going to do whatever she had to be there.

After being on the phone for over a half hour, I was informed by a nurse that my sister was on the phone too.  I told her to tell my sister to call me on my phone and I then let Maritza know that my sister was going to call me on my phone.  We agreed to chat later and then I hung up on her and proceeded to wait for my sister to call.  I waited…and waited…and waited even more.  The call that I was expecting never came.  In fact that call has never come to this day.  My heart was broken, I felt like my only sis abandoned me when I needed her the most.  My ex called again and to this day all I can remember was her cynical laugh and the silence from my kids.  There was no word of how glad they were that I had not died.  No I love you daddy’s.  None of that.  I was alone and no one was going to come for me.

Then Maritza called in again and I told her what had happened.  She told me not to worry, that she was going to be coming down to see me by tomorrow and so I rested.  The pain that I was feeling would not let me sleep but at least I knew that I was not going to be alone.  The next day I woke up and could not believe that I had done this to myself.  No one did this to me, this was not a punishment or a wake up call from God either.  No, I had done this to myself.  I was irresponsible to drive so far for so long.  It was late afternoon when my nurse approached me to tell me that there were visitors waiting to see me.  Then it happened…There he was, in a green beanie, jeans and a fleece jacket.  He was as cute as the pictures that I had seen of him.  He had a teddy bear in hand and he handed it to me as our eyes met for the first time.  At that point, I just knew that everything would be alright. Our lips touched for the first time moments after and I knew then that I had indeed found my twin soul.  It was almost like we had met before, the taste of her lips was so familiar. Her energy was something that I could have sworn that I had been around before.

So there we were and we were just happy to be with each other.  My ex called again and Maritza heard her speak down to me and reprimand me.  She did not once offer a word of encouragement but instead chose to further demonstrate her disapproval of me.  It got to the point that Maritza was just going to back off and go home.  It was then that I could sense that tension that she was feeling but I told her to please stay.  She asked me later if I just wanted her to go because she did not want to add to my confusion?  I said no, please stay, I need you.  She made the decision to stay at that moment and to this day she has never left my side…

 

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